2 Sick 2 Be Funny

The human body wasn't made to write witty diatribes about Penn's finest week in and week out. Under such pressure, it cracks and confines even the Sphinx Citer to a miserable, sniffling huddle on the couch. Thus, this week the Citings must speak for themselves -- and what a week (or so) it was!! Before we get going, a big shoutout to Stacie who was cited turning 21 and to Shak who had a birthday several weeks ago but was neglected by yours truly!

First off, most every Sphinge, every pre-frosh previewing Penn and their Moms (literally) were cited at the Darfur rally which was a "real success." It raised an incredible $1,820.50, with special thanks to Ezra. A hilarious, if somewhat surreal sight during the sit-in was the Darfur sitters, the Mask & Wig "protesters," the crazy man preaching against homosexuality in front of Van Pelt, and the frisbee team all trying to get out their message within a few yards of each other. True diversity if there ever was.

Off the Green and into our mailboxes, Andy Kaplan (with the help of Tammy no doubt) announced Senior Week, "to ensure that your final days at Penn are your best days at Penn." No word on just how far Andy will go to make sure each and every one of us truly have our best days, but Penn girls are waiting with baited breath. In other governmental affairs, Brett presided over his final UA meeting, next to Sarah Abroms and Jason Karsh. Numerous Sphinges were in attendance, doing the wave at times. They were cited eating much of the food and taking pictures which no one sent to the Sphinx Citer.

In sports, Sarah Waxman was cited winning the Women's Lacrosse Title in the Ivy League, 14-10 over Princeton. Srikant, Ryan, Mana, Caroline, and Jeff were in attendance. Catie V. was also rumored to be a big winner in rowing. According to Catie, "Penn crew has now separated itself from the bottom of the top to the top of the top." Catey, Jareau, and Mana were in attendance at the race.

Moving on to the obviously drunken elephant in the Quad: Spring Fling. Apparently Jeff did something inappropriate during at the Zetes petting zoo. The sheep are rumored to be sore, and say Jeff is "baaaaad." Catey Mark was cited pulling off an "unbelievable spring fling." There was a "killer turn-out" at the carnival after Jazzy's soiree which included a raging dance party. "Many a sphinge partook in the revelry including the always stylish Mr. Greenwald and the amazingly fun-loving Val Swain-Cade McColloum (also pictured busting a move!)."

Josh Head and Fraga were cited singing a killer duet at their last Mask
and Wig fling concert. Watson pulled off the event "with unparalleled class, singing a solo while working the blacks and whites AND looking delicious." Head and Fraga, in traditional form, got naked at the end of the concert. "Beware their beautiful bods."
Witnesses reported seeing Josh Head's head. Head and Fraga were also cited performing with celebrity host Dan Bakhedal of the Daily Show at SPEC and Mask and Wig's 9th Annual ComFest.

In real accomplishments, Jack Abraham won first place in the Wharton Venture Award Competition! He won $10,000 and will be starting up his tech firm in Philly this summer. He is hiring interns and has employees who are twice his age -- all this further confirmation that Jack is the sh*t and the rest is just flies. Elsewhere, Shak won her CORO fellowship which is a tremendous accomplishment after years of hard work. She was also successful in getting the "United States Cross Cultural Analysis Requirement" admitted into the College Curriculum. Congrats, Shak! See Sphinx News for more on this.

In other society notes, 5 Sphinges were ciited at Oracle initiation: Shirley Liang, Jun Li, Puneet Singh, Samir Sheth and Samir Malik. The 5 Sphinges were found acting like "sock-em-bop-em gophers with the button, acting out animals on the compass, drinking incessant amounts of maple syrup, and tying red and yellow ribbons around trees on Locust Walk Wednesday night." It should be noted that the Sphinges "took the whole event very lightly, as it was a walk in the park compared to the Sphinx Arts & Crafts night."

Finally, Ryan and Catey went out to a BYO dinner with some friends to commemorate the olden days. As usual, they confessed their freshman love to one another and vowed to cuddle again one day. Ryan also completed his proposal for a Glee Club endowment with the University and received approvals from the powers that be. He will be leading the kickoff of a $150,000 capital campaign for the Club, commencing with an Alumni Club gala and concert on Alumni Day. He is quite proud to not yet be a "has-been," contrary to whatever 34th St. has to say about Sphinges.

In this week's doghouse section, Healey was cited attempting to sabotage Sphinx Happy Hour by inviting everyone to his Sitar concert. While Caroline, Jeff, Ryan, Mana, Brett, Ezra, and Jack, hated him for this malfeasance, rumor has that Healey plucks a mean string.

That's all, folks! Cough-sniffle-cough. See Sphinx News for more details on these citings!

-Sphinx Citer