Better Late than Friars

As is true for love and toned abs, sometimes you just have to wait awhile to get what you really want. The spirits of many Sphinges were dampened last week when Sphinx Citings did not come out on Monday. "Where could it be?" they wondered. Candlelight vigils were held and the DP started a ticker of the number of days that Citings had passed its deadline. Hope dwindled, but never fear, for Sphinx Citings is here.

We begin our story far far back to two weekends ago, with pregaming for the Masala show at Mana's where Malaika, Caroline, Brett, Lex, Mana, Brian, Healey, Brandon were spotted. Cynthia "magically appeared at Mana's apartment" to greet the show-goers. Once at the show, Srikant hooked Sphinges up with front-row seating and tee shirts. As he performed, he was spotted wearing his grandfather's horizontal-striped V-neck shirt as he serenaded freshmen Indian girls, "half in English, half in Hindi, and half in Hottiness" Sphinx Chiefs of '03, '05, and '07 are “Masala boys” and were all present. Some of them began a familiar cheer regarding “losers and snorks." One Sphinge of few words commented, "What an experience. thank you so much boys. SO much."

Moving from India, to India Arie, Catey, Mana, Brandon, and Caroline gathered at 3934 Delancey to make signs in support of Lex before Thursday’s drag show. At the show, Lex was spotted doing her best "Kevin-from-the-Backstreet-Boys" impression as she "serenaded freshmen lesbian girls" with her newly straightened hair. Her hair reportedly attempted to fight back, saying that it was born the way it was and there was nothing anyone could do to make it straight. Healey was also seen yelling “Show your ROPE!” Many Sphinges were exuberant; according to Mana "I SLEPT in my QPENN shirt that night. I just couldnt take it off, I dreamt that Lex, aka Nick Carter, sang to me in my arms." Other sources say that Lex's "salty sweat and unimaginably hot dance moves were to SWWOOOOON for." The consensus was that the show was a "SPECTACULAR success."

In the "To the straight Beta kid...(that's the punchline)" department, Healey and Brandon had several good heart-to-heart talks about boy problems. Healey was seen watching Jon Tucker Must Die and Mean Girls in a back-to-back "blow out with his manly fraternity brothers." Oh yeah, and Healey was also called out in QPenn for supposedly being gay, again. The crowds yawned, yearning for a new joke from everyone's favorite hotty from Nebraska.

In the holidays which happened two weeks ago section, Gaby and her younger brother were eating Shabbat Dinner at a friend's house. Tammy and Andy were there, too.

Continuing with the Jewish theme, Josh, among several other Sphinges, was seen “taking advantage” of the open bar at Ezra’s “Betsy Ross’ Bat Mitzvah After Party” at Hillel. Caroline was seen wearing a cow mask.

In the watching paint dry section, Israel and Ewurama were spotted at the front desk of Harnwell.

In tsocial news, two Tuesdays ago at New Deck Happy Hour, Caroline, Head, Jeff, Mana, Brian, Andy, Ryan, Catey & Ezra "CLEARED out the peanuts at New Deck." According to one Sphinge who uses caps lock like Helen Keller uses sign language, "thats how we ROLL." Immediately following the Happy Hour, Brett, Andy, Mana & Catey made a "highly impressive showing of black caps & polos at UA Steering." One tap was reportedly impressed that "there were a lot of black caps in the room tonight."

On to the SPEC BeachFest Catey, where Caroline & Mana ate lots of pbj sandwiches and “widely capitalized on SPEC's ridiculous budget & giving away of amazing free...goods.”

At the Mask & Wig show two Fridays ago, Mana sported the event SOLO to cheer on the "Fragarooster & his Head", and got "PRIME seating right smack in the front row." Josh Head even came & sat behind her in the middle of the show and started massaging her shoulders. She also laughed so hard that she started crying and the elderly man next to her offered her his handkerchief. But, she "saw him blow his nose in it a half hour earlier, so she kindly declined." Fraga was remarked to be "THE hottest woman ever" and Josh looks "WAY too good in a cheerleading outfit." When not wearing a wig, David finished the final draft of his thesis at 7:15AM last Friday morning before he headed to Japan, where he is currently vacationing and wearing Sphinge gear every day, everywhere.

And finally, words of encouragement from Friars head honcho Zach Coopersmith in email correspondence with an unnamed Sphinge: "I like the blog posting on the Sphinx website by the way, you guys are so amazing." Enough said. See you all next week for more citings. Until then, in the words of Mana, "I LOVE YOU ALL!!!! The end. peace."

-SC

p.s. you may wonder why it seems to be the same people in these photos every week. that's because they send them to me, not because they're beautiful - which they are. but you're beautiful, too, so send some hot pics.

Fullight, Fulbright, First Ful I see tonight

Fresh from carefree spring breaks, Sphinx was ready to throw off the sunblock and throw on their thinking caps. Penn and Philadelphia were not willing to let students ease back into the swing of things, however. Tumultous weather changes, another loss in the NCAA tournament, and a general epidemic of Acapulcan crabs, threatened to put a damper on the last few weeks of school. Fortunately, Sphinx members know no obstacles and were spotted doing generally remarkable things. Generally.

First on tap, as further confirmation that the Japanese can make both VCRs and scholars better than us, Mana was cited “WINNING AN F-ING FULBRIGHT SCHOLARSHIP!!!” for study in the land of the rising sun. She is reported to have responded with a measured and low-key expression of approval. Sources also surmise that Mana is “SeRiOUsly so XXCiteddd and THANK you guyssss sooooooo MucH! <3> To learn more about this seriously prestigious award, go here. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fulbright_Program In other Mana-tastic news, the phenom presented at her first sociology conference on Saturday morning, which is "very impressive for an undergrad.”

Following along on the honor train, 14 Sphinx were tapped as finalists for the Senior Honor Awards (out of 30 finalists in total). Friars had a “surprisingly strong showing with 4 candidates.” Better luck next time...

Finally in our achievements section, Lex was cited being "awesome morning, noon and night." Oh, and she was also notified that she'd been chosen inaugural Penn Gay and Lesbian Alumni Award of Merit. To further Lex's embarrassment of riches, she received a job offer in Boston with the Fund for Public Interest research. "It means she can stay in the country!" Somewhere a kangaroo cried.

Moving on to this week's social notes, Andy Kaplan was spotted at MAd4 with his two best friends from Kansas. All three wore matching polo shirts in different colors. While Andy's shirt was not pink, his drink was. In sports, Josh Head was cited leading the Mask and Wing Intramural Basketball Team to the playoffs. The team won their first game 41-11 but fell in the semifinals when the team's lack of rebounding skills could no longer be compensated for through "stunning looks and bootylicious short shorts." Also, Ryan spotted Chris Mizell at the gym -- twice. He was looking studly and ready to kick arse on March 23.

In this week's culinary section, Ryan was cited in Platt Performing Arts House manning an “impromptu brownie station with style.” His grandmother had sent him a usual shipment of brownies and baked goods. Also as usual, Ryan ate only one of them and pawned the rest off on passers-by as part of his “get hot before it gets hot” campaign.

In the arts, Catie V., Brett, Jareau, and Brandon were cited watching Israel, Ewurama and Dominique at the Gospel Choir concert. That wasn’t all that Brett wanted to see this week, however. Sources say he tried to see Healey's naked ass at multiple events throughout the week, and succeeded at Ezra's Shabbat dinner. On an unrelated note, lovers of Maureen Dowd, Paul Krugman and Thomas Friedman rejoiced as Brett and the UA brought the NY Times for free to Penn's campus.

Back to talking about Healey’s ass, Catey Mark was cited kicking it “at a very intense, record-breaking tall game of drunk jenga” at her house on Saturday night. Sources tell us that the St. Patty’s day party at Catey’s place was "off-the-hook" and a "wonderfully awkward gathering of Sphinges." Brett and Catie "dominated the Beirut table," Caroline's boyfriend John "re-emerged" and "randoms" made out on the couches. Lex also had her first hetero kiss in awhile. Despondent lesbians protested nationwide.

As was mentioned earlier, Ezra hosted a Shabbat dinner with "riveting" conversation. Attendees discussed smegma (from Healey’s ass tattoo) and childhood jokes like: “your epidermis is showing!”Gaby, Brett, Ezra, Healey, Mana, Catey, and self-descrbied "pagan" Lex were in attendance.

In the meeting department, Healey, Ryan, and Caroline met to plan the stalking of the several hundreds of seniors who haven't yet donated to the Gift Drive. Luckily, that doesn't apply to anyone in Sphinx. Also, Srikant and Brett could be spotted eating crepes and talking about politics in Houston Hall, where they also strategized about Sphinx’s endowment and how to best approach Alumni Relations. Ezra also led a meeting for the Darfur rally which is starting to take shape..."contact Mana, Healey, Ezra or Catey if you want to get more involved." Finally, Mana, Brett, Lex and Head all sat on the balcony at the "often erratic" Paul Farmer speech.

In our virtual spotting segment, Nina was awesome as she sent out a google spreadsheet to gather our taps.

Everyone else was chilling with Dick Cheney in an undisclosed location.

- SC

EVENTS THIS WEEK :

A) Official: Monday – Group meeting at 10pm. Location TBA.

Tuesday – New Deck Happy Hour at 4:30

B) Unofficial:

Monday: “Close to Home: A Personal Perspective on Darfur” 7:30 in Huntsman 3:40. Jareau and Ewurama.

Wednesday: Betsy Ross's Bat Mitzvah Party at 8 p.m. at Hillel.

This is Ezra’s highest priority event thus far so try to make it.

Also at 8 pm, Caroline and Tri Delta are putting on a lecture by Regan Hoffman, entitled “Honesty & HIV: A Discussion of the Power of Full Disclosure”

Thursday: Mask and Wig show for those who haven't gone yet.

Breaking in Spring

It's not easy being smart, ambitious, and strikingly beautiful all the time. That's why Penn's finest decided to take a week off in early March. What resulted you can see here in the first edition of a literary litany of leadership, lasciviousness and laughter: Sphinx Citings.


We begin our journey in Miami's South Beach where Catey Mark was spotted strutting around with Ryan and an assortment of fellow seniors at all hours of the night. She also may or may not have gotten down at SoBe's hottest new club, "SET." But she probably doesn't remember since she wasn't quite able to stumble away from the porcelain toilet until 3pm the next day. Too bad she wasn't staying in the same room as her parents...oh, wait. Ms. Mark also hosted Ryan, his bf Shane of Friars, and other travel partners for drinks with Catey's parents at their uber-trendy suite at the Sagamore. Catey's dad was "a hoot." Also, Ryan was spotted sporting some tight-ass jeans and looking "pretty damn hott!"(Ryan didn't write this one himself, he promises)

Moving off the mainland to points more southern, our dear president Andy, when not trying to schedule Barney as a commencement speaker, was Spring Breaking in Negril, Jamaica. As Andy so colorfully describes the occasion, "It was a huge, week-long party with amazing weather."

Back in conquistador country, Jareau Wade and Chrissy Choug were the spiciest tamales in Cancun, Mexico! AND they ran into, "or rather cited", Sri one night on the crazy Clubbing strip!!! Srikant was enjoying an all-inclusive with a few buddies from his pledge class and a couple guys from Masala.
A little bird tells us that Israel and Ewurama (with her new hair extensions)were also in Cancun. All 4 Sphinx members have "gotten a little darker, lost a few more brain
cells, and realized that Penn has the earliest spring break of any
university in the country." Fun was had by all.

Gaby was in Playa del Carmen with ten other girls. Yes, she is from Mexico and has some family who lives there, but no, they didn't visit her.

In the singing gender identity disorder department, David Fraga and Josh Head were busy on the Mask and Wig Tour of San Francisco, LA, San Diego, New Jersey, New York City and Rochester. According to David, it was "Really fun, the best yet." Highlights included a hotel on the beach in San Diego for 2.5 nights, getting black-out in New York before a 3AM ride to Rochester (about 30 miles from Ryan's home by the way), and an incident with the group's Ryder truck. No word yet on how many little Fragas were created around the country on this scandalous little tour. Girlfriend and Friar, Katie Liberman would not be happy to know, we're sure. Separately, Fraga was also cited turning in a completed draft of his thesis! Some work remains but the worst is over.

Back in glacier land, Chris Mizell was spotted at the Restaurant school teaching a master class on chicken preparation. Over the break he stayed in Philly training for the NFL combine, which has been moved to March 23. Editor's note: for the deportes deficient, you can learn about just what the heck this "combine" is here http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/NFL_Combine

After break and back at Penn, Mana was spotted being cute. "All the damn time." Caroline visited Ryan incessantly at the cafe but never purchased anything from him. Srikant and Brett were also each caught in rushed bike-by conversations with Fraga. Israel was preparing for his upcoming performances which everyone can't wait to attend. Although no one seemed to specifically know what Shak was doing, everyone clearly knew she was being socially active somewhere. Tammy furiously studied for some exam during the potluck meeting. Jeff joined a healthy crowd at Sphinx's Tuesday 4:30-6:30 Happy Hour at Mad4.

Oh yeah, and prior to break, Healey, Ezra and Ryan had enjoyed a fine lunch at Houston to discuss Sphinx events; the meal took about two hours, mostly because Healey was full of sh*t. Literally, he was in the bathroom forever.

Everyone else was in a cave for the week (or they didn't email yours truly).

Next edition on Monday. Please have your citings in by Sunday evening. Also, Pod happy Hour is 10-12 Wednesday night (tonight).

Yours,
Sphinx Citer